An “Insider’s” Perspective on Lebanon

I grew up in an unstable household. My parents divorced when I was young and I struggled with inconsistency through much of my childhood. Yet, I never felt afraid in my own home. I found safety in my own comfort zone. I found that comfort in my native country, Lebanon.

But, something changed upon moving to France for university.

As students on the Menton Campus, many of us are familiar with the current situation in Lebanon. However, being a Lebanese citizen, born and raised near Beirut, I find it necessary to clarify a few things — a few things that I deem only an “insider” may truly understand.

Despite what the media and statistics portray, Lebanon’s biggest issue is not the current economic crisis. Our biggest concern is not whether or not the inflation rate will decrease tomorrow. Though most of us have been conditioned to check the Lebanese Lira-United States Dollar exchange rate first thing in the morning, our collective suffering goes beyond that. Despite the garbage crisis, the corruption circulating our institutions, the confessional system that creates much damage, the unconstitutionality of our constitution, our poverty rate increasing drastically by the day, and our lack of access to basic needs, the Lebanese people suffer from a phenomenon that encompasses all those factors, and more. It would be belittling to reduce the populace’s suffering to those circumstances alone. The adversities of the Lebanese can not be limited to numbers or pictures or thousands and thousands of words describing the current situation. The Lebanese’s biggest dilemma is that they have been stripped of their dignity. It is that progressive gradual reduction of our collective dignity that makes us so numb to pain and agony today, so accustomed to constantly increasing destruction, and so exhausted of revolution, of protest, and of trying to bring about change.

The trauma my ancestors held from previous wars, conflicts, and patterns of colonization live in me. The trauma my parents held from the 15-year Civil War equally lives in me. The trauma that the entire Lebanese population holds today from the August 4 2020 explosion of Beirut lives in me. The trans-generational trauma, developed from trust issues rooted in broken promises and false hope in figures of authority, lives in me. That trauma lives in each Lebanese. That trauma haunts our households and takes over our streets. I see it in the conversation I have with the taxi driver about the hopelessness of the nation. I see it in the smile of the old lady sitting on her balcony, in a half-demolished home (not yet recovered from the 1975 Civil War), sipping her Turkish coffee, smoking her morning cigarette, and watching over Beirut with a bit of nostalgia and a lot of regret. I see it everywhere. The worst part though is that I cannot unsee it. I am no longer able to ignore those issues of trust, of commitment, and of abandonment that the Lebanese collectively suffer from. What's worse, is that once you have noticed the collective depression, you cannot help but feel guilty for feeling content. That collective survivor’s guilt is not just felt by those of us able to flee, but also felt by those of us who stay; to be alive in this country today is just as much of a privilege as being able to escape it.

I knew all of this before moving to France. I felt it, I saw it, and I coped with it. But, upon coming back from France, Lebanon no longer felt the same. I no longer felt safe. What’s more though, is that I was no longer able to be an “insider.” I could no longer relate to the constant struggles of traffic and stress on the way to work or university. I was no longer able to answer the taxi driver with ‘yes, we’re all stuck here unfortunately.’ I was not stuck here. I felt like a hypocrite – a hypocrite for enjoying the liberty of calling myself Lebanese without the struggles of being Lebanese. And so today, though I am giving you a glimpse of Lebanon as an “insider,” I feel as much of an “outsider” as the foreigners do. But this is not unique to me, nor is it new- the influx of Lebanese migrants has been massive since 1975.

The new phenomenon that I noticed, however, is the creation of a new social class in Lebanon: the social class that has access to foreign currency, more notably the US dollar. The Lebanese have always been divided into separate social classes – those that live abroad and send remittances to the “insiders” and those that reside locally. But today, a new social class exists – the “dollar class.” And consequently, more inequality exists, a new form of discrimination emerges, and dependence on foreign parties increases. This trend has harmed Lebanese trust in their own people, their government, and their local resources. And so, the government not only “killed my people,” (August 2020 Beirut blast) but, it equally deprived them of achieving and maintaining trust in themselves and in each other. This is exacerbated when the politicians successfully manage to flip the table around and accuse us of “voting for them” — an act that I deem one of the worst forms of manipulation and gaslighting.

But, as the reputation correctly affirms, the Lebanese people are resilient. And though I hate saying that, because it leads to all the more of romanticizing what should not be romanticized, I do strongly believe that we are resilient enough to regain and re-establish trust in each other. Despite our history and our reality showing otherwise, I do still have hope that Lebanon will get back on its feet. There is no possibility that substantial changes — be they economic, political or social – will be taking place any time soon. Anyone with basic knowledge of economics and politics would know that. However, what research and data do not forcibly reveal is the gradual collective change in mindset taking place today.

According to psychological theory, thought cycles are not within one’s control. Hence, if one wishes to recondition themselves and influence their thoughts, they must make the conscious effort of changing their behavior to eventually develop a change in thought patterns. Lebanese civil society (from the protestors of October 17 to the non-profit organizations making cooperative progress) are consistently enforcing new behavioral patterns. Consequently, a new thought cycle within the entire Lebanese population is under the process of development. That new collective mindset will build stronger new generations that will witness substantive development. And so in the distant future, today's educated youth are expected to bring about effective change in Lebanese politics and society. Today's youth are expected to forge a new path for the generations to come.

- Angela Saab Saade